untitled..

and for the tiniest moment it's all not true

teaching of the day..

A student asked Suzuki Roshi why the Japanese make their teacups so thin and delicate that they break easily. "It's not that they're too delicate," he answered, "but that you don't know how to handle them. You must adjust yourself to the environment, and not vice versa."

... and i quote ...

"-er"

if only i had these my day could have been nice"-er"

hmm.. yummy, ain't it?

mein mann

don't you worry my darling,

through the darkest night, 

comes the brightest light,

and for I believe in you,

I see the light that shines,

that is deep inside,

it's who you are.

g 2the e

http://www.whatgoogleknows.com/

vivienne westwood

it was fullmoon last night, 

and so i howled for a bit. 

now it feels nice. 

and look i found:

nice, isn't it?

be nice

today

Happy. If I am happy, I do better work, and I am good to those around me. I owe others to be happy, so I should take the time to do things that make me happy.

the summary of: last night & this morning

these days are gone loud enough to hold on

i think about the time we wasted, the years to come

its getting late and i cant call

i think about the time we wasted, my loneliness has slowly grown

i told you not cross the line and leave me with your love for granted

the letters from your broken heart, i think i might have lost them somewhere

don't tell me about your lies & secrets

my love is easy, you are everything i need

now your love is gone and i want it safe and guaranteed

life is such a fine line, looking at the bright side

i think about the time we wasted, for some day i'll be coming too

today is dying on its own and it doesn't matter right or wrong

as long as you are hiding somewhere

even though we've said it all

i would never let us fall with you

hang on to a little chance, you bet, I'm in

if its for better, i would never miss the call

its true..

geçmiş zaman

biraz önce gözüm kredi kartı extremdeki taksit ödemelerinden birine takıldı -24 Nisan 08, Mediamarkt - Ümraniye, xx YTL'lik işlemin 5/5 taksidi- ve bir anda anımsadım o halimizi. yıl dönümümüze az kala, ben yine mutsuz, küsmüşüm sana. film seçiyoruz beraber izleyelim diye, hiç konuşmadan. 

..

yazıkmış.

today is..

its just one of those days

when you don't wanna wake up

everything is fucked 

everybody sucks

you don't really know why

but want justify

rippin' someones head off

no human contact

and if you interact

your life is on contract

your best bet is to stay away motherfucker

its just one of those days

!!

contradictions

it feels awesome // it feels awful

değişmem için kendi kendime bıraktın beni,

bu değişimin çabuk ve iyi olmasını umduk ikimizde 

-ya da en azından ben öyle düşündüm-

kendimle kalınca kök hücreyi buldum, 

pembe/beyaz doldurdum

-iyi oldu

ama -çabuk?!

her geçen saniye aramıza yıllar koysa da,

herşeye rağmen diyebiliyorum ben..

bugün de sadece "önyargı"larımdan kurtulabildiğimden emin olmak için sordum sana

"önyargı"larımın tam olarak beklediği cevabı aldım

hiç şaşırmadım

biraz üzüldüm

ama kabullendim

bir tutam da inanç borç verirsen

olucam.

teşekkür ederim.

i would like you to only be mine

&

i know you cannot be mine only

eat me!

Lamm

Rind

Schwein

me-stakes

Dudley Moore

"So would you say you have learnt from your mistakes?"

Peter Cook

"Oh yes, I'm certain I could repeat them exactly"

-or-

in a similar vein, "Ever tried. Ever failed. Not matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better." said Samuel Beckett. (Worst ward Ho, 1983)

-and better yet-

I've always liked W.C. Fields' more fatalistic update on Beckett:

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again. Then give up. There's no use being a damned fool about it."

2li

biraz önce yine aradın

ve şimdi işimden gücümden düştüm

seni düşünüyorum

bir yanım kıpır kıpır

bir yanım duygusuz, umarsız

...

'stay that way'

beni nasıl hissettirdiğinin nedenlerinin, benim kendi nedenlerimin farkında olmadan sana nasıl hissettirdiğimle bağlantılı olduğunu farkettiğimde, bu çok normaldi. kendi nedenlerimin farkına vardığımda, bu normalden çok uzaktı. nereden gelmişler, nasıl olmuşlar, nasıl oraya yerleşmişler.. içimdeki tavan arasını temizlemeye kalktığımdan beri normal kavramım bile değişti. tozlu kutular içerisinde neler neler saklamışım. bulduğumda kimi hüzünden kimi coşkudan ağlattı beni, kimi sinirden kimi mutluluktan güldürdü. 

kendimden kaçmak için kalabalığa karışıp aklımı dağıtmaya çalıştığımda bile kendimle kaldım, ister istemez yüzleştim, çoktan atılmış olması gerekenleri attım, kalması gerekenlerin tozunu alıp güzelce yeniden kaldırdım. 

başımın ağrısı biraz dinmişti ki telefon çaldı - inside, outside baby let your voice come through to me..

ve sesini duydum

teşekkür ederim.

- you made my day -

teaching of the day..

i dont need another resolution to feel as though im going somewhere

at times the memories seem to be knocking at my door

ive seen the film a million times it feels like i wrote the storyline

no, i refuse to replay the mistakes that we made yesterday

coz i like tot think im stronger now - a victim of common sense-

the truth is that i know i still confuse the past with the present tense

condensing what we had to a single frame - that sticks in my mind 

and as i try to move on the same image comes back every time

they were yesterdays mistakes

so forgive my selfishness ill be greatfull if you can

and forget my ingratitude you think im twice the girl i am

they say we should forgive but not forget what has gone before

and i refuse to replay the mistakes that we made yesterday

y'know

if you gonna be creative, y'know

you're ultimately offering yourself as a sacrifice

a sacrifice of, channeling something, bigger than yourself

and existing at the same time, y'know

being measured upon your words

when you're channelling yourself at higher than your state

is a pre'serious, jump to take on

so, if they truly about, the word

poetry, singing, writing, and drawing and painting

or however it is, then y'know

want us to realize we're here to record ripples of vanity, y'know

ripples of mathematics, that's really what you're dealing with..

dedicated to you

i met with you yesterday

we had another one of the same old fights

and we walked apart

but then you texted me

and i...

A lot of things have happened between us lately. It's been really really hard to keep it together and i've nearly lost my mind here and there and i know you have too. I don't know if you still come here and read this but i just wanted you to know something...

How i feel about you hasn't changed through all of this. If anything i love you more deeply than i ever have before. You're the most wonderful person i've ever met and you've touched my life in a way i'll never be able to put into words. When i'm with you i'm happy, when i'm in your arms everything else melts away. You're still the first thing that i think about in the morning and the last thing i think about at night and not a day passes where i don't think about you.

You're such a large part of my life and now that you've stopped being in it i don't know what to do. A huge part of me died and i know it just won't heal. 

i love you today, tomorrow and always.

forever my friend, forever my love